Monday, June 27, 2016

"I quit" day

It is 10am and South Florida's sun is scorching.

I sit in my car waiting to go see a client and there is no desire, passion, good will... Only dread and the knowledge I will have to put on a fake smile and pretend I care.

It was in this moment that I decided to put on my calendar a quit date. That's it. In 12-24 months I intend to quit my job. I have really know defined plan aside from the financial steps my husband and I set for our escape plan: pay off the mortgage, pay off his credit card, I want to have enough money saved  to cover 2 years of expenses.

Everything else is a possibility. It is scary and liberating at the same time. I am a planner, a ever recovering worrier, and safety is my second name. But I have also been looking at life from a very different perspective. From the perspective that life is absolutely finite. People die everyday and even if they live a long life, I am talking here we maybe have another 20 years of prime in our lives.

I really don't want to work my butt off to realize all the money I saved is going to prescription medication and that I am too old, too tired, or even too destitute to really live. I want to live now. Today. And the main drag in my life right now is work.

Althoug I am way too young to think about permanent retirement, I am not too young where I have my whole life ahead of me. I am in the halfway mark. And what if I die never having lived?

I understand that we are in a privileged position. We have no kids, I have no debt, and our carriers have been successful enough to allow us to save more than most people. I sometimes have a pang of guilt about doing what I feel is right but perceive as somewhat irresponsible, but the truth is everyone I know make decisions I would probably never make because it is better for them. Well, my instincts, more than my brain, have always been so right about the major decisions in my life and I can just go with my gut feeling now.

There is a certain peace in knowing this is not forever, that I am ok with saying "peace out" and not having any plan of what I may do after just that I need a break.

6 comments:

Caffeine Girl said...

I applaud you! Set a date and go for it. I feel the same way. Because I'm a teacher, I get summers off, which is allowing me to get through a few more years. But I am also exhausted and worry that I am wasting the time I have. I also love safety, but I'm thinking that the cost of that may be too high. I know that if I lived in Europe or Canada, where health care is assured, I would have quit a while ago!

Kalei's Best Friend said...

Don't feel any guilt in whatever decision that only u can make.. I am sure you have thought things out clearly..Don't worry about what others may think.. It is your LIFE.. If you can afford to quit your job then do it.. and if you can't but you know that working is not the answer, then take that step forward.. You will never know.. Everything works out in due time...

Naquillity said...

you go... i'm so glad you came to a decision you can work with and accomplish whatever else you may want in this life before it's to late. may your newest journey (when it takes place) be blessed. have a great day~

Magic Love Crow said...

Good for you! I'm proud of you!!! I know, you and your hubby will be great! Big Hugs!

Jeanie said...

You are a seriously wise woman. And you will find, I think (as I did) that once you set that date, you make the commitment to yourself, that the time begins to fly. Things that bothered you still might, but not with the intensity and passion as before because you know they are short-lived and in a year or two they will be long forgotten and your life will be much better. When I retired I was on the young end but hadn't been well and was anticipating some challenging times. I have been sick very little in those following years and I now attribute not all but much of it to stress. I suspect you will find a new you within this time of transition and beyond. I'm so happy for your choice.

Shaharoh said...

Setting dates and being in control of your own change is so liberating. Often life forces us to make decisions and without warning. However, consciously making one and sticking with it is such a great feeling. I cannot wait to hear about you finally leaping into the unknown and doing what is best for you and your family. xoxo